Ponderings of Pranking
by Tuz Farkinca
Summary: It's that special day of the year, but Emmett's having some trouble picking who to prank, and how to do it. Who will he end up choosing?


Emmett's always loved April Fool's Day.

Well, he couldn't quite remember if he had liked it as a human, but he sure liked it now.

Of course, this year, there was the trouble of who to prank.

He had given up on trying to prank Alice or Edward. Alice could always see what he was planning, unless it was a split decision. And all the best pranks needed preparation. Similarly, she was on the watch for anything involving Jasper. And the trouble of keeping Edward out of his head made for horrible planning. Emmett either got sick of singing nonsense songs in random languages, or when he turned to the alternative- picturing his Rose in all her glory- he got distracted.

He generally left Esme and Carlisle alone. They were too parent-like to do much on.

He didn't dare pranking Rosalie. He'd done it once, and she'd locked herself in their room and refused to let him in, or even talk to him. And breaking the door down had just prolonged his punishment.

Bella he'd tricked before, last year when she'd been human. He laughed to himself as he remembered…

_It was a lovely spring Saturday for a vampire, warm but cloudy. Emmett followed Bella quietly with his weapons of mass pranking. _

_She was making for the grocery shop in Port Angeles. She did need to eat sometimes, and the store was holding a large sale. She parked her old truck and walked in briskly- for a human at least._

_Emmett parked his rented car a few spots down, and stalked her into the store._

_He followed her into the back of the store, near the meat. There was no one else around, and he knew the time was ripe._

_He lunged for the back of her neck-_

_-And pulled out a pair of small toothpicks, covered in red food dye. He quickly pricked her, making sure no real blood was drawn, and threw the picks away._

_"Ouch!" Bella exclaimed, and turned around. "Emmett! What are you doing here?"_

_Emmett started the performance of his lifetime, looking down as if in deep regret. "I was humoring Edward, making sure you stayed safe…but I forgot to hunt…"_

_Bella reached for the back of her neck, and fainted when they came back red._

_Giggling, Emmett picked her up and took her to the truck. He pulled out a small bottle of glitter and a flashlight. Glitter was sprinkled on Bella, and Emmett then waited for her to stir._

_Five minutes later, she was awake. He fumbled the flashlight on, and stuck it into a place that made the glitter sparkle._

_When Bella opened her eyes, Emmett grinned. "Welcome to the afterlife." Bella looked, horrified, at the sparkle she was making. Then, she noticed the glitter brushed off._

_"EMMETT!" she yelled. _

_But he was already ducking out of the truck towards his rental, managing to bellow out "April Fool's!"_

Alas, Bella would not be so easy this year. She was drawing closer to the end of her newborn year, but she was still stronger than him. Not to mention it would be hard to sneak up on her now.

Maybe he'd prank a student at the nearby school. Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and himself were enrolled there, so he'd have some of his family as witnesses.

He had pranked a human fellow student once, a few years ago…

_The boy was Steven- something. Emmett could never pronounce or spell it, so it was fitting he couldn't remember. _

_Anyway, he had been under the delusion that one day Rose would one-day 'dump' _

_Emmett for him. So, he'd tried some schemes to get her. When that had failed, he had retreated to admiring at a distance._

_But if the grimaces Edward had been making every time he'd walked by Steven meant anything…_

_So Emmett had snuck into the Steven's room at night, by an unlocked second floor window. _People should reallylock windows when there are supernatural creatures around_, he remembered thinking. _

_It had been a harmless little balloon Rose had helped him design. Or at least it seemed harmless. _

_But later that day, during lunch, the balloon had worked beautifully. As if it sensed the perfect timing, it burst as Steven was carrying his lunch tray across the cafeteria, in clear sight of everyone, flooding his pants as well as the floor in a bright yellow liquid. _

_Emmett hadn't even had to help the balloon using his dart blower._

But as fun as those past pranks had been, he couldn't figure out what to do, or who to prank this year. 

Suddenly, the perfect person and prank combination came into his mind. He ran into his room, and grabbed his prank stash. He pulled out the essentials for this- whoopee cushion, super glue, gloves, a coin, and clear nail polish, and packed them into a duffle bag. On second thought, he also grabbed a video camera.

He was about to start reciting the Magna Carta in Navajo when he realized his target couldn't read minds. Not at a distance at least.

Last, he dialed a number on his cell phone.

"Hello? Yes, I'd like to purchase a ticket to Italy…"


End file.
